


The bird who didn't know how to use its wings.

by TheLilNugget



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Did I mention that it's tragic, Drinking, F/M, Letter, Like very tragic, Spoilers, Tragic Romance, Very tragic, after Mary's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-21 01:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11933877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLilNugget/pseuds/TheLilNugget
Summary: Mary had more emotions than Edward could ever understand. What happens when he finds them on a paper?





	The bird who didn't know how to use its wings.

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own AC4 or any of its characters.

“Dear Edward Kenway.

 

It’s weird to use your first name, after all the times I’ve called you by your last. It’s not like I dislike your name, I’ve just been afraid to use it. Why, you may ask. That’s one of my many secrets. I’m writing this to you, even if I doubt that you’ll ever read it. I’m writing mostly because of my own feelings. But I’ll write about you, my dear friend.

 

I’ve always been fascinated by you, the way you see the world, you have perspectives no one else has. You notice details no one else cares about. You are a clever man, Kenway. Such a shame that you use it for no good. What makes your eyes lit up is the sight of gold and rum. Instead of helping men and women who need you, all you care about are your own needs and pleasures. Gold is what your heart beats for, isn’t it?

 

Still, I’m not giving up on you, Kenway. I believe that your path can be changed, that you could change into something better if you just gave it a chance. Try to make your mistakes right, gaining the respect of the people you put in danger. Helping people with you unique gift instead of using it for your own gaining. You’re blinded of what’s not important, but with your ambition you can change into anything you want. That’s what scares me. You’re capable of being whoever you want to be, and this is who you choose? A man that can’t see the things that really mean something in life?

 

I’ve always thought that you were something else, from the moment I first laid my eyes on you. You made me impressed, and you immediately caught my eye. I still don’t know what made me so fascinated by you, but perhaps that’s another one of your many secrets. 

 

But I’m not writing this to dwell on the past. I won’t yell at you for being such an asshole, I believe that I’ve done enough of that, if that’s even possible. At least I hope that you’ve been listening to what I’ve been trying to teach you. Trying to make you see things in another perspectives , trying to get your mind to understand what it should be set on. It’s not been easy, no, no, but I think that I’ve left some marks to help you become a better human being. 

 

I just have one question for you, Kenway. Did you ever notice, or are perhaps more stupid than I thought?

 

Like I said before, I’ve always had an interest in you, but I think that I maybe got your attention as well. The way you act around me, it’s clear that you trust me. Despite what you say about me to others, you trusted me from the beginning, didn’t you? At least I got to your head, I heard.

 

But when I said all those things to you? That you’re a gifted man? Did it mean anything to you? I didn’t get a reaction, you didn’t seem to care, you didn’t even goddamn blink. And when I showed you all those things I had found? Did you  _ ever _ think about why I did that? Because  _ I  _ trusted  _ you _ , Edward. I’ve always had a hard time trusting people, but I trusted  _ you _ , and I still don’t know why. Did my trust in you mean nothing to you? Did all my compliments go unnoticed, or maybe you just didn’t care?

 

I remember the first time I heard you laugh. When we were on our way to du Casse’s office. I will never forget that moment. If you had one reale for every time I’ve tried to create the same moment, you would’ve returned to your wife months ago. When was the last time you laughed, Edward? With me? I believe that hasn’t happened ever since then.

 

I think that the best memory I have of you, is when we were in Kingston chasing Laurens Prince. I had two of my targets at the same time, it was a great chance I wasn’t going to lose. Still, I listened to you when you told me to wait. It was one of the most stupid decisions I have ever made, but I don’t regret it. I don’t know why the hell I trusted you on it, but my gut feeling told me to give you a chance. Maybe I thought that waiting was a good idea, if it meant that both you and I could get what we wanted. But as always, you fucked it up. Though even after that, I wanted you by my side, even if I had planned to kill Prins on my own. If it had been someone else, I would’ve left to kill him on my own, but I wanted you with me. I really did.

 

I was afraid that I hadn’t gained your respect. You never really cared that you had lost my targets for me, and you cared even less about me. At least that’s what you showed. That’s why I decided to show you the real me. The actual me. The one without the bandana and without the binding and without the covered up body. Show you why I never took my shirt off. To show that I was capable of fooling everyone into thinking that I was someone else. That I could trick Captain Edward Kenway, the gifted man. I thought that you had figured it out, but you seemed surprised when I showed you my true self. The look on your face when you saw me was priceless, I would give anything to see it again. It took all my self control to keep myself from laughing when you asked me how I could be a woman. Though everything you had done that day, I ended up being proud of you. You never thought any less of me for being a woman, judged by your lack of change towards me. As far as I know, you kept my identity a secret, just like you promised. I guess that my threat to unman you actually worked pretty well. 

 

But the next time we met, when you were stretched out drunk with a lass sleeping next to you, a man pissing in the corner. You told me that I missed quite a time. I pray that I will never encounter you in: quite a time, if that’s what you think it is. You’d disappointed me many times, Kenway, more times than I can count on my fingers. But I’d never been ashamed of you, until the day I didn’t recognize the man before my eyes. What have you become, Edward? Your wife? Doesn’t she matter anymore? Have you given up on her? If you don’t want her anymore, then why can’t you start over in a proper way? Tell her, for fuck’s sake! Is it that hard to let go of a woman who clearly doesn’t want you anymore?

 

I doubt you ever noticed, but I’ve always liked you more than anyone else. Always. Sure, you’ve made me mad more times than joyful and you’re the most arrogant, selfish, gold obsessed man I’ve ever met. But that has never stopped me from loving you. Yes, Kenway. Love. I love you. Of course, I love Anne and the Assassin’s as well, but never the same way as I love you.

 

I’ve been married before, to a flemish soldier. He died shortly after our wedding. I’ve never told you, because I didn’t want to share something so personal with a man that has proven more than once that he simply doesn’t care about others like himself. I almost told you that time when you told me about your wife, but I resisted it. Partly because I didn’t want to lie about a wife, partly because you were you. You weren’t a person I wanted to share that with. I might tell you one day, if you prove that a heart is beating in that empty chest of yours.

 

I’ll admit, I’m really sorry about your wife. The way you talk about her is admirable. Not many men talk about their wives that way. But even if I’m sorry that she left you, I think that you could’ve done better. She wanted you so bad to stay with her and you just left anyways. She  _ never  _ cared about gold the way you did. She just wanted a husband who loved her. I guess that she thought she didn’t make you happy enough. You had her, Kenway. Who are you to complain?

 

With that said, believe that I’ve made myself clear that I’m afraid of admitting how I feel about you. After my last marriage, I’ve never wanted to get married again and I still don’t want to. No one can change that, not even you. We’re pirates, Kenway, I have a new life now. we don’t have time for such a thing as marriage. It’s such a shame that it’s either marriage or nothing. What I want with you is neither of those things. It might also be the way you just left your wife that’s making me afraid of you. I just want you to care about my well being, like you care about your own. Commitment isn’t required. 

 

I’m running out of space to write, and I suppose that you’re tired of listening to this shit. I’ve always been a person of few words, but when I write, the words flow without an end. I hope that I’ve at least made myself clear. You have my heart, Edward. Just know that I won’t give up anything in my life for you, not my identity, not my piracy. My love for you should be enough. Giving up the life I’ve created, or the brotherhood, is something I’d never do. Not for you, not for anybody. You may have my heart, but you can never change my morals.

 

If you ever read this, I’m dead. As long as I am breathing, no one but me is going to know about its existence. That’s a promise I’m not going to break. 

 

Yours, Mary Read.”

 

\----------------------------

 

Edward Kenway’s Pov.

 

I focused all my senses on moving forward, every step making it harder. I dropped the bottle with rum I held in my left hand, cursing under my breath. The dark liquid poured into the sand, making it a darker colour. I picked up the bottle, closing one of my eyes to check if there was any left with my other. I threw the bottle away in the sand, accidentally dropping Mary’s letter too. I acted as fast as I could, grabbing it before the wind had the chance to take it. Thoughts were racing through my head, I didn’t know what to feel. Trying to feel something, trying to forget the letter, trying to forget Mary’s last words.

 

_ I will be with you, Kenway. I will. _

 

I wanted to scream, to lie down on the ground and die, leave the world who took everyone from me. Thatch, Vane, Rackham and Mary. They were all gone, but I was left on earth, but it felt better to die in that exact moment. I never cared about Vane or Rackham for real, but they were a part of my life, even if it was a tiny part. I missed Thatch and his companionship, his stories and his endless mind. But most of all, I missed Mary. Mary and her braveness, her laughter, her cleverness and her friendship. Her endless love, her plans, her smile, her eyes. Her curves, her mercy, her ability to forgive.

 

I was  _ nothing  _ without her, she completed me in a way that I didn’t understand until she was gone. She made me so much better, but I never gave anything back. 

 

I groaned and got up, struggling to stand up straight. Trying to stumble forward, I saw Mary’s gravestone. My vision was blurred, but I could see it clearly, the contours making it easy to see.

 

I “walked” up to it, kneeling before her. Putting my hands on the ground, I started to sob loudly, my eyes hurting from sand and tears. with all my strength and willpower, I rose my head to look at what was left of Mary.

 

“Here lies Mary Read.

 

Ally

Friend

Mother

Mentor

 

Remember, Mary, as you go by. As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be. Prepare yourself to follow me.”

 

Me, Anne, Ah Tabai and Adé all wrote something. Nothing had ever hurt more than when I wrote my part on Mary Read’s gravestone. Not even her death had made me suffer more. Her death was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, next to experience the aftermath of it. The hardest thing isn’t to witness them die, it’s to accept that they are gone. I had always hoped that it wouldn’t come to that. Accepting that Mary actually was gone, was something that I tried to avoid, but she got to me. But it’s possible that reading her letter, reading her  _ true _ thoughts was even harder. 

 

I felt the anger boil inside of me. How could I let this happen? Why couldn’t it have been me? She never deserved it, she had done so much things to make the world better, so much things to make  _ me  _ better, but now she was gone.

 

“I’m...sorry, Mary… I’m...so...so...sorry…” I said with a raspy voice, my throat rough and sore from handling so much alcohol.

 

_ I should’ve saved her. _

 

My hatred grew bigger and I felt nothing but anger against the people who let Mary die. I was one of them. I could’ve saved her if I had tried harder to get out, I could’ve saved both her and her child if I had just tried harder. I could do anything,  _ anything  _ to get her back.

 

I dug my nails deep into my skull as I cursed and blamed myself for Mary’s fate. I gritted my teeth and tears started to stream down my face. I had done plenty of crying since Mary died, but never like this. Never that way. I screamed so loud I could and after I had finished, I breathed so heavily, it felt like I was dying. It actually felt good. If I died now, I wouldn’t have to go through with this pain. I wouldn’t have to see another person die. Witness another human that I loved fade away in my arms. Then I could be with Mary forever. 

 

At the same time, I knew that I wasn’t dying and that I would never see Mary again, no matter what I did. She was gone. I wasn’t with her. I was stuck on earth without her.

 

_ She’s never coming back, Kenway. She’s gone. _

 

I loved her. Devil curse me, I loved her. I loved James Kidd, I loved Mary Read. Why didn’t I take the chance I had? It all made sense. Why did I have to be so fucking blind?

 

As I gasped for air after screaming and crying and slamming my fists on the ground, I felt the anger fade away. The blame, the hatred, the screaming, it all disappeared. There was nothing but sadness left in me. I felt more empty than ever, more  _ fragile _ than ever. All that was left of me ran out of me, like the sand in a hourglass. My tears wet the earth in front of Mary, giving life to the flowers growing there. 

 

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve, trying to stop the waterfall. I sat on my knees, steadying myself by placing my hands on my thighs. I took one last big breath and did what I came for. 

 

I let my eyes focus on a special thing that lied on the grave along with the flowers. I smiled weakly at the sight of it, remembering the day I put it here. I leaned forward and let my hand explore the patterns and leaves on it. Seeing it also brought back many memories. The time when we first met, that look she gave me. I could never forget those eyes. even though I didn’t know her identity back then, she had me captured. There’s something about Mary Read that I can’t put my finger on. 

 

The time when she saved me from the assassin’s. I should’ve been more grateful for that, she taught me so much that day. 

 

And the time in Kingston, when I fucked up her mission. She yelled at me for ruining it, but who could blame her?I was such and asshole back then, maybe I still am. I do regret it, but it also was worth it to hear Kidd yell at me.

 

Bu of course, my best memory with her was the time on the windmill. When she let her true self out, when she showed me who she really was. I remember being shocked, but also the most happy I’d ever been. It meant that I was allowed to feel the way I did. 

I shook my head and let a deep breath out. As I felt a raindrop fall on my hand, I stood up and looked up at the dark sky.

 

“Protect Mary… please. If anything... _ anyone  _ is up there… just… just take care of her, protect her… don’t let anything happen to her… please… I beg you… I can’t…” 

 

My voice broke with the last words, and I felt tears well up behind my eyelids. I swallowed hard and looked down as I closed my eyes tightly. I listened to my slow breathing, trying to pull myself together once again. 

 

I kneeled before Mary’s grave, taking in the sight of the branch that James had woken me up with the day I realised that I loved him.

 

That morning, I picked it up when she dropped it. Right after she asked me about Caroline, making me realise that  _ she  _ was supposed to be my wife.

 

Because the things that the love of your life touches, those things you keep forever. 

 

I leaned forward, giving Mary a first and a last kiss, pressing my lips against the cold, wet stone. Then I stood up, inhaling a deep breath before walking away with my head held high towards a future without Mary Read.

 

But for now, that future was the nearest pub.

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! More Kiddway is coming up soon! A longer fanfic with chapters! I won't say a date now, but I'm working on it! By the way, did you get the end? He goes to the pub where he hallucinates! Please leave a comment or kudos! 
> 
> Bye fellas!


End file.
